All Eyes On Me

2004-01-13T22:32:00.000-05:00

More or less sumthin' just dawned on me. The correlation between my need for koffee to accomplish the simplest writing. My obsession with koffee is clearly obvious to me. Lately I've been noticing that if I am to write that some koffee betta b brewing. Just having to write simple thangs I just need my fix. I began my research n proposal for a website I'm working on for OutNow!, a LGBT youth organization in my city. First thang I did after starting up the computer was brew that liquid heaven. Okay enough but the koffee. So yeah I'm excited about embarking upon this endeavor. It also makes me wonder what the rest of life has in store for me. Ever wonder that? Everyone says the key to happiness is to find sumthin you luv n make it into a career. Okay well I luv politics, writing, music, learning webpage design, n working on social issues. More specifically those relating to gay, minority, n classism. Just a matter of where this all can tie into a lifelong career I guess.

As I sit n watch RealWorld SanDiego I am outraged. This bitch ass white girl named Robin called this brotha on the street a "niggar" during an altercation. Her black roommate Jacquese, who is good looking by the way n his personality kicks serious ass, over heard this n confronted her. How can she not comprehend how this is offensive. God I can't stand this ignit bitch. I appluad Ja for leaving n calling his mom to talk thangs out. He really took the high road on that cos I woulda lost it n got my ass kicked off the show. Anotha thang I don't like is how the AF crowd clearly separtes themselves from the outcast click. AF crowd includes Cameran, Brad, Randy, n Robin. I refer to them as the ignorant white abercrombie meat head cheerleader crowd cos the only ones they don't git along with is the ones that don't visually look like them. Personally I'd chill w/ Jamie, Ja, n Frankie any day over them. It just sucks cos it reminds me of high school. Just cos yall don't fit a certain mold you're considered outcast. Whether it's how you dress, your ethinicity, sexual orientation, etc. I definetly know how they feel n wish I was there to be with them. I also wrote a poem tonight spinning off of the MLK "I have a dream" speech. Kinda fitting as I watch this episode. Go to my website n click poety to check out the poem "I Too".

One Love

2004-01-11T23:29:00.000-05:00

Okay I know last night I said I hate guys n I am sick of them. That I'd stay in n take a break. Well ya know what yall, I can't. I guess I luv the attention or sumthin cos I was out again last night. Boy do I got some stories for yall. My night out at The Krypt's Leather Night. Interesting lemme tell yall.

So Jamie, Heather, n I walk in n in a matter of literally one minute I was surrounded. There mustta been seven guys up on me talking bout how good I looked. I was overwhelmed. I was like damn thank you I just got in so gimme a damn moment. The web master from The Krypt was there to take my pic for the website. Talking bout how I 'd b perfect for a nude spread! It was just cra-z. It was different going to a leather night. Maybe I could buy a pair of leather booty shorts for the summer. Hhhmm...just a thought. I talked to this guy from Chicopee named John. He was nice n easy to talk to even while he blatanely flirted with me. His friend Tony was real phyne looking but he was talking to someone so I didnt bother. All night though I had to fight them off with a stick! It was a good tyme all n all though. This dude was all up on me at the bar. Turns out he owned The Polo Club in Hartford. He bought me a few drinks so that was nice. However, he wanted to make himself my sugar daddy. He's like you got bills I'll pay them. Git you a nice whip n some jewels while you live with me. Than my drunk drag queen friend Crystal (Carlos) kept grabbing me asking me for sex. I had to help her drunk ass into a friends car to take her home. But just an interesting night overall. I've been gitting so much damn attention lately. I'm like what have I done differently this week. I dunno, but I'm wanted.

One Love

2004-01-10T17:53:00.000-05:00

Ya know I'm really tired of guys. I can't even call them men really. I know way too many people n going out around home can b aggravating. Gotta say hello to everyone n deal with their crap. Put on that fake ass smile n nod like you're actually listening. I'm glad that people are comfortable in talking about their issues n asking for my advice but why does everyone have to? Can't I go out one night n not have to listen to their drama. Can't I go out anymore n just b? That's probably why I love going out away from home. Maybe I should just stay in for awhile. Cos people just been pissing me the fuck off. Must b that tyme out the month or sumthin.

Back to the issue at hand thugh. Guys acting up n trying to kick some weak ass game at me. Thursday for example I was at a bar/club sitting on top of a table talking to Rachel. This guy walks by n looks me up n down. A minute later he comes back n says, "Damn man you got some big feet" n winks at me. Does he really think this is acceptable behavior? What did he think my reaction really was gunna b? Anotha example is last week I was in a bathroom stall at a local club. Now their are no doors just so yall can visualize it. This guy walks into my stall n put his arm around my waist. I was like excuse me what the hell you think you're doing? There are so many other examples I could give. I'm not fucking that hottest shyt but I am attractive n can hold n pull my own. I just wish guys could appreciate that in a more acceptable n flattering manner. Maybe they'd git further with manners? Hmmm...things to think about.

One Love

2004-01-09T20:20:00.000-05:00

My whip "Lil Nippy" has seen betta days. Today was not one of those betta days fo sho. She wouldn't start up this morning n I had to call Triple A to come n jump start my car. I'm really hoping she fixes her self some how cos she is essential in my life. The dude that came was very unprofessional. I dunno maybe cos I'm a youngin n dress very casual/urban n he felt like he didn't have to impress me. Which he didnt but still unprofessional. Came out the truck smoking a cigarette n when it didnt work the first tyme he went back to his truck cursing like cra-z. I was like damn I want a job where I can show up looking like a bum, act all sorts of unprofessional, n b that laid back where he smokes cigarettes on the job. Anyway enough about him. Announcement Tyme!

Okay one of the organizations that I am involved with invited me to the 2nd annual Springfield Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Dinner. Now I went n was involved in last years n with how successful n uplifting it was I'm looking forward to this years events. So Ima just quote excerpts of my letter to letchall now bout it.

"Tapestry Health is pleased to announce the 2nd annual Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Dinner, part of National Black HIV/AIDS Day activites. This year promises to be a wonderful event. This year's guest speaker is Dr. Joycelyn Elders, former Surgeon General of the US. As the 1st African-American woman to hold that position, Dr. Elders has long been a particularly articulate advocate of a wide range of public health initiatives, including HIV/AIDS awareness. Last year was inspiring with close to 150 in attendance. Best selling author E. Lynn Harris spoke, Helen Caulton-Harris recieved the Special Recognition Award, and Mayor Albano issued a proclamation for the city of Springfield making it Black HIV/AIDS day."

So there it is in a nutshell. Pretty stoked about the guest speaker. Can't wait to ask her some questions. Last year's speaker, E. Lynn Harris, was absolutely incredible n I'm sure this one will be also. Also I'm in the midst of writing a proposal for this community outreach group, OutNow, I'm involved in to develop n maintain a website on their behalf. So that'll b exciting n good in helping out our cause. Just a very active afternoon. Well Ima watch the rest of the Celtics game n git ready to head out tonight. Hope yall are well.

One Love

2004-01-07T15:54:00.000-05:00

I've always been a very political person. Probably cos my father was always involved in politics when I was a youngin'. So I have been following the Democratic nominees n their plethora of debates. It's been a journey in who I've liked since day one. At first I was impressed with Carol Mosley Braun at the Rock The Vote debate. She's a very articulate speaker n could really offer a lot of good ideas. I guess the problem is lack of a real campaign. It isn't all her fault though. She has some strikes against her. Who really is lining up to help a black woman besides Oprah become President? She lacks funds which is key in a campaign. Same with Rev. Al Sharpton. I love what they have to say n full heartly agree with them on the issues but it comes down to electability.

I can't believe I'm going to say this cos I don't like him or his views but I loved this statement:

Reporter: The big thing is that people love what you have to say but don't think you're electable.

Dennis Kucinich: Well I'd be electable if they just voted for me!

That is tru Dennis but it takes a lil more than good words to b successful in launching a campaign. Now Joe Lieberman is just an ass! He is a Republican in a Democrat's suit. Tell me one thing that he doesnt agree w/ Bush on besides illegal immigration. He has no original ideas n looks real pathetic in his "attempts" at attacking Dean. So is Gephardt n Kerry who have teamed up with Lieberman in berating Dean. Come up with some creative ideas n key points to your campaign besides Howard this n Howard that. If Kerry, Gephardt, n Lieberman have been in Washington this long tell me what they can show for it? Why now should I believe you'll make a difference now? Well I don't so now we're off to Edwards. Now I do like what he has to say but not on everything. I'm a lil skeptical on him. So it's down to Dean n Clark. I've been a die hard Dean fan since he came out against the war on Iraq. I still full heartly believe in that. But after that it's simple n the issues are domestic. I love Dean's passion n that is sumthin that is clearly missing with all the other Washington Insiders. Being that I'm gay n all I would appreciate the same rights as everyone else. Like the right to marry n all that is afforded it. I can respect that he believes it should b the individual state that should regulate that. I can respect that because it's a step forward. Gay people have always been opressed n still are. Whether or not you believe it is your deal. Supporting a state to decide whether or not it's okay is a step forward of sorts. Versus Bush who wants to go to the xtreme n make a constitutional amendment declaring how we will always be denied the rights afforded to marriage cos we are second class citizens. Anyway thats a whole notha story. And this is not about Dean which I will not b voting for. I fully support General Wes Clark n his campaign! There I've said it n made up my mind. I agree with his domestic policies whole heartingly. He really has a great vision for this nation. Tax relief n a fair tax system supporting the lower n middle class is a necessary change. We can no longer afford to give away tax breaks to the upper class n corporations. WE THE PEOPLE need the relief n programs to work for us. Not WE THE RICH N POWERFUL. WE need to take back our country n put it back on the right track it was when Clinton left office. WE have a lot of work after all the thangs Bush screwed up. 2004 Election is about damage control. And boy we have a lot to clean up. Who would have ever thought he would have fucked up this bad? I sure didn't n I despised him when he ran against Gore n lost. Anyway Clark is the answer in defeating Bush. Clark can help us take back WE THE PEOPLE.

One Love

2004-01-02T21:17:00.000-05:00

Aaahhh so here we are into 2004 already. Now I'm wondering how this year is gunna start out n all. From all current signs not too bad. Last night I decided to go to The Pub for Karoke night, haven't been there for awhile cos of the stalker/killa n all. One of my New Years "Resolutions" is to be fearless not fearful. Well my stalker was not there so that was definetly a good sign, maybe he finally gave up on me....damn...lol. So I head inside n I see all the faces I haven't seen in awhile; Taz, Jose, Heather, n this drag queen Rachel. Okay I was being real corny so I keep telling Heather that we should do a duet to "The Boy Is Mine". Well I figured she wouldn't but this drag queen Rachel wanted to do it with me. Lord it was too funny yall. I was Monica of course cos I'm the pretty one! We stood up there n I had a lil too much to drink already that I could barely read/remember the lines. I felt like Whitney Houston performing on Coke....just cra-zness. Well I went up again n sang solo n when I sat back down I knew that Rachel fo sho wanted this right here. She kissed me n was like oh papi you did so good. From that point on I had to start to fight her off with a stick. I was like damn what is wrong with this bitch. Okay I'll admit she was pretty for a drag queen but if I'm gay why would I want someone that looks n acts like a girl? I mean c'mon it only makes sense to me. Anyway Heather, Taz, n Jose left so it was just Rachel n I. At that same tyme I noticed this phyne ass brutha scoping me out from across the room. I was like well alright man. I mean he had it all looking right n togetha with himself. So I very obviously scooped him out n walked to the bar n ordered a drink. Just as I planned he was up there introducing himself two minutes later. I'm like damn I can lure them. He was telling me that he's noticed me around a few tymes n always wanted to talk to me but didnt have the nerve. He was saying how that he was from Hartford, go figure, n that he remembered the first tyme he saw me cos I just stood out to him. Anyway his name is Vincent, real cute name to go along with the personality n body. He has a full-tyme job n is also a lead singer in a group that he performs with. So we just got to know each other n what not. Numbers exchanged...he can kiss too lemme tell yall. Well hopefully thangs could develop...never know? If not it was a great start to '04!

One Love

2004-01-01T18:07:00.000-05:00

So it's 2004 now! A whole new year to start fresh. Filled with endless opportunites n chances for self improvement. Whatever life has in store for me this year I'm ready....BRING IT ON!

Last night we once agin spent it @ Mirabar in Providence. It was a journey n a half, yall dont know. It was filled with everythang from cra-z drunkness, hostility, seeing old friends, n stories to tell. But Ima keep it all from ya n chalk that up to a New Years Eve mystery. Kinda like my infamous Fourth of July in Providence, also a story that won't be mentioned. Only friends know the details behind my "mystery stories". Anyway I had fun n I was completely trashed. I guess I should probably like come up with my New Years Resolutions now.

I've never been big on New Years Resolutions cos they arent realistic. One of mine last year was to have less road rage. Well while driving home on New Years morning from Mirabar I cut off a car, flipped her off, n cursed that trick out. Now that's a resolution that lasted a mere four hours. So these are rather just sumthin to strive for not set in stone "resolutions".

1. Be the betta person (Basically not to b as hostile n be less apt at holding grudges)

2. Put myself through college (Save up money to take some classes towards my degree, hey aint no one doing it for me)

3. To actually work towards completing the novel I've been writing.

Okay come to think of it this resolution shyt is still bullshyt. I thought I'd try it out but I changed my mind. I really dont wanna change this year. I like who I am n thats all good with me. I know I have a few things to work on but overall I'm fine. Those thangs help make up the person we are...So in conclusion I have basically those three goals. Hope yall have a prosperous n blessd new year.

One Love

2003-12-30T18:13:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to wish everyone an early Happy New Year! Hope yall are having a happy holidays. Also, Happy Birthday to Jennifer Cheney cos she turned 21 on Dec. 26. Anyway just wanted to leave a lil note. Tomorrow I'll be officially back from a holiday weblog break....so scope that out cos it'll be regarding "New Years Resolutions". And anotha note that Shawn n I are friends now...Thats All!

One Love

2003-12-22T20:20:00.000-05:00

I know it's been quite awhile since I update yall, sorry. A very eventful weekend to say the least. There is way too much to git into details plus I'd rather not. Thangs I've learned however, are not to be allowed near a cell phone while intoxicated, not being allowed with in 100 feet of DunkinDonuts in the South End while drunk, be a less obvious flirt while flirting. Hhhhmmm....what else. Well I just wanted to basically wish everyone a Happy Holidays n what not. It's been a long day so I'll keep yall posted about my holiday adventures.

One Love

2003-12-18T19:21:00.000-05:00

I was reading the recent December issue of Ebony n came across an article I needed to share. For yall to know it's on page 38 of the new issue of Ebony. Yall betta pick it up! This article is called "Sister Speak" but I just wanna share it for us fellas cos it's very relatable. So I might change a few thangs around cos it's meant for women but us gay men can relate. The article is all about dating n finding that dream man we all search for.

Be Your Own Man - You must take responsibility for your actions n your life. You claim to be grown, so act accordingly. Make your own decisions n set ya own goals. Don't be overly influenced by peers or men.

Choose Ya Man Wisley - Love is wonderful, but it can make you oh so foolish. Know beforehand who you are sleeping with. Yea, he's good looking but what's going on in his handsome head? You have ambitions...does he? You want to make a difference in this cra-z world...does he? If he's a player now he will be a player then. Contrary to what so many think, you cannot change a man. However, you can take an imperfect man n help him to grow into the man of your dreams.

Don't Wrap Ya Happiness Around A Man - Create or find your own fulfillment. Don't wait for Mr. Right; let him catch you on the go. And don't think you're less of a person cos you aren't dating anyone right now.

Never Let A Man Hit You - Or control you n make you lose sight of who you are n what your dreams are. Get away. Get out. Get help. He has issues. If you stay with him, you will have even more issues.

Travel, Explore, Experiment - Don't be afraid to try the new n different (as long as it's healthy n wholesome). Find a passion, a hobby that relieves stress. Save for a nice vacation. Take singing lessons. Try running, painting, or cooking (yes, you!). Challenge your intellect n enjoy life.

Give Back To The World - Tutor, mentor, donate, volunteer. Reach back n help.

Don't Be Stupid - Use common sense. Don't tell all your business. Be discreet. Know when to shut up n walk away. Know when to leave.

Find And Nourish Your Spiritual Center - Whether you go to church or not, know that there is a higher being. Live right. Treat others as you want to be treated. Learn the power of prayer.

Thank you Ebony magazine for breaking it down for us. Definetly a lot we can all learn from this. So go out n cop the magazine!

One Love

2003-12-16T19:57:00.000-05:00

Ahhh snow makes me sick....why must you torment us with your presence. We've gotten enough for the winter so you can go now...no need to return. The first storm is kinda nice but it wears on me very easily. Anyway I wanted to wish Stormin a Happy 23rd Birthday even though he's been telling people he's 23 for the past few months....it's okay he can still celebrate turning 23 again.

Today wasn't as productive as I woulda liked but oh well. I had to go to Barnes & Noble at freakin 9am to git free movie tix. See if you brought in the ad from the paper you could pick up 2 free tix to "House of Sand n Fog". It was on the Oprah book club so of course my moms read it n begged me to git the tix for the movie. I dunno what the hell it is but i'm destined to see it now. I swear Oprah is the only reason my moms is literate. Oprah says buy this n she's already in the car backing out....lol, sad but tru. But I did venture out afterwards n it was actually nice out. It was probably only 45 but still just my turtleneck sweater was enough for me. I went down to Texaco to fill up n walked inside n it mustta been 90 in there. As soon as I walked in I was like damn child ima melt. Like all of a sudden I was transported to a Texas summers day. So after I prepaid for gas I walked over to the Dunkin Donuts in there n decided I'd git an iced koffee versus a hot one. I headed off to an interview at Longhorn's Steakhouse....lemme tell yall it doesn't seem bad at all. I've never worked in a restaurant so I'm a bit nervous but shyt I'm superman I can handle anythang. I'll know in the next few days about a second interview. I am so good yall....I was cracking jokes n I was just on point with this dude. I walked away like yeah I'm gunna git that call back n git myself a nice lil job too. The place is really decked out nice...Texas Cowboy yeeeehawww! A nice down home grown southern restaurant environment, perfect for me. So i'd be up for the challenge. Damn this will be a job I'll actually have to work at...damn you easy prior jobs. But I'm sure I'll surprise myself...look at Sears for example. Who thought I'd be busting my ass selling shoes for a year n being a top salesman too....not me, well kinda but I was trying to be modest for a moment. Anyway I've got shyt to do now so I'm outtie. Watching my gurl Nicole Richie in "The Simple Life" tonight n Sassy Sandra from Survivor will be on Letterman tonight.

One Love

2003-12-14T23:31:00.000-05:00

Well today was the big day.....SURVIVOR SEASON FINALE!!! Can you tell i'm a lil stoked? I thought I was bad talking bout Sassy Sandra to everyone n anyone. Toya actually made a tee shirt special for the show. The front said "Sass-alicious" n the back said "Sandra for a mil!" I was like damn gurl you need to chill. The living room was decked out in Survivor like settings with her new X-mass tree. It was tore up cra-z lookin yall. That stupid mutt of hers, "Cornbread", is such a horrible dog. He has no training n acts a fool any chance he gits. No offense gurl but he takes after you! Now I guess I should explain my this gurl named her dog Cornbread. It's this lil brown terrier that has a problem with barking n acting up. But when she got him from the pound last spring she had everyone ova to see "it". And for some odd reason she decides to make us cornbread for this event. I dunno she's random like that so I just laughed n chalked it up to Toya's personality. So of to the story about what he did now. Toya just bought a tree two days ago for christmass. Now no offense gurl I know it was a cheap tree but it is damn ghetto. The thing looks like it's been wandering through the desert....it needs some serious water. It's falling apart everywhere n keeps shedding like cra-z. It looks like the tree in Charlie Brown's christmass movie thang. Anyway she was decorating it best she could n that damn mutt is knawing on the damn branches. So she's trying to git that lil mutt off it n this lil dog brings down the whole tree! We had to vaccum n everything. She gives the damn dog a tyme out in the bathroom! I'm like gurl you need to return him n tell them it just didn't work out. Hopeless dog.

I knew she was having some people over for the show. I figured that Shaqwuan n Tianesha would show up but not a dozen people. I was like gurl this aint the Super Bowl but hey I was stoked to see the finale. Turns out I was kinda set up tonight. Since I was single Shaqwuan decided to invite two friends n one of them was apparently there to meet me. With out me even knowing! And damn Tianesha did the same thang. Shaq showed up first so after she introduced me to her friend n my new friend...lol. I pulled her aside. I knew sumthin wasn't right the way she introduced me to "Dwayne" n the way he was so charming. I smelt set up. I was like gurl what are you doing? And she was all like nothing just brought some friends. But I knew betta. Tianesha shows up with a friend from work, I can't remember her name, n this dude JR that she mentioned to me before. Now I knew for sure that JR was a set up cos she talked about him before how the three of us should hang out. Anyone who hears that should know betta. So it was kinda akward with them being there. I thought JR was cute cos I used to see him once in awhile at Tianesha's work. But he was a lil too immature, unrefined, n young for me. He was 18 n acted 16. I felt like saying man you are real cute but I could never. But I can be nice so that didn't come out my mouth. Dwayne on the other hand was real phine. He was 5'8" maybe about 135lbs. dark brown hair faded with these real nice mahogheny colored eyes. Okay maybe that description was too good. Honestly I was barely looking at him. He had a nice style n the hat was a perfect touch. I definetly think the best accessory is a stylin hat to co-enside with the look. Take a guess yall where he's from? CT! Go figure he lives in Hartford off Main St heading towards the North End. Please tell me God why every man I date or meet is from Connecticut? Is this some odd coincidence that happens ova n ova n ova again? I mean I've literally only dated two or three guys from Mass. And all the rest where from CT, mostly Hartford. And Main St of all places. Jamaar n Eric both lived on or off Main St in Hartford. What is the deal God? And you wouldn't think that I'd meet/date three bruthas from the ghettos of Main St. Anyway as soon as I heard that triggers went off in my mind. I was like steer clear man Main St is bad news...lol. He was very charming though n had this sexy ass stare when he looked atchu. It's like you had to just look away cos you were afraid to melt right there in front of him on your friend's couch. He asked what my situation was n I was like shyt. But I was very blunt n honest even though I felt like saying shyt I'm with you...lol. I told him straight out that I'm single n am not looking for anythang right now. That I'm just doing me n if some one special came across I'd find him. We talked a bit n told him that if he wanted that we could hang out with Shaq together. Made sure I mentioned with her so he wouldn't think we'd be heading for a date. I'm just feeling thangs out but I have a feeling he's not "the one". Anyway that's for anotha post. Sandra won Survivor! I was so fucking shocked. We was all going cra-z cos we all had good taste n wanted her to win a mil. She truly did sass her way to a mil. That's my gurl! The drive home was a bitch with the snow n freakin pouring ice/rain. I was like I need to be a Survivor just to make it home! But all is good here. I'm good...lol.

One Love

2003-12-13T15:40:00.000-05:00

So yeah I saw "Deliver Us From Eva" for the ump-teenth tyme last night. I have a huge crush on the gay hairdresser in the movie. C'mon if yall saw it yall know. He has the cutest smile, he can dress, he is funny, n he is phine! Yall just dont know, lol. Shaqwuan was over for most of the day so we watched our stories together. For those that aren't into the soap opera thang we call them stories. Sad isn't it that we have lingo like that. ATWT - As The World Turns, Y&R - Young n The Restless, B&B - The Bold n The Beautiful. Okay its really sad then, lol. Anyway Rose died in ATWT yestaday n Shaq is so funny. She was like well she can't be dead forever. I'm like I really need to stop watching this silly stuff. But last night was just a relaxing kinda night. I had trouble sleeping n didn't fall asleep till 4ish. The nightmare began when I was awaken at 9am by moms. She decides to tell me that I need to bring grandma to git a flu shot. Thats where today's story begins.

So with only five hours of sleep I have to git up n function. I had to apparently all of a sudden bring grandma to Brooks in Holyoke to git a flu shot. We had to git there at 1015am cos there were only 150 shots available. They weren't giving them out till 1pm! I had to stand there with grands for hours on end for a freakin flu shot. It was horrible cos I was making fun of all those people in line when I saw the CBS Evening News last night. This lady decides to go around n ask if we wanted a free magazine to read while we waited. I had just bought the new Ebony 'zine to read while there so I passed on it. My grandmother took it n it was a freakin "Watchtower"! For yall that aren't familiar the "Watchtower" is a conversion magazine handed out by Jehovah Witnesses. Are you fucking kidding me! We are waiting in line for three hours for a flu shot n you have the audasity to try n recruit me for your religion. Now mind you the line is wrapped around the whole store, out the door, n around the block. We all had to stand crapped in there too. I lost it on her. I saw that my grands had it n tore it outta her hands n approached the lady. I said very loudly you can take back your conversion magazine cos we're Christian. I was so appauled when she replied well are you sure that Jesus is in your life. I was like yes he is n he's giving me the patience not to go off on you right here in this Brooks. So she continues with me saying that she's just trying to guide us towards salvation. I remained semi-cool n told her that trying to capitalize on a capative audience is a shame n that finding God is a personal experience not sumthin you go around Advertising. I said my peace in a fairly civilized manner so I turned around to head back in line n she mutters to herself "Hethen". I was thinking to myself oh no she didn't but I just kept walking. Then this deaf lady kept trying to talk to me but she couldnt talk right n I had no idea what she wanted. So after of ten minutes trying to understand n be nice I decide that I would read Ebony n hopefully she'd git the hint. Nope she kept nudging me n shyt. It was very irritating. I was like be cool she's deaf n stupid. But still rudeness is not acceptable. The reason I had to go was because my grandma needed a ride n wouldn't stay in line if I left her cos she's afraid of shots. Ya know what so am I. I waited three n half hours with her n I didn't git a shot. I'm not paying $20 for a freakin shot that I don't think really works. Knowing my luck after waiting that long n all I'll have the flu by morning...knock on wood. But at 1pm they decide to assign numbers n have you fill out all these forms. I'm like yall coulda done this shyt at 10am n told us to come back at 1230pm to line up in order. That pissed me off. Plus they wouldn't let me or anyone else in there use the bathroom. You got a good four five hundred people there n tell us that. So I tried Subway right next to them but they wouldn't let me use one. I had to cross the freaking road to go to Mobil to use a bathroom. Just a horrible day so far. So many people have pissed me off. I coulda snapped at any moment. Key reason I didn't snap was cos of grands. Lord help them if she wasn't there....it woulda got real ghetto real quick. So now I'm back home de-stressing after the day I've had already. Today the Lord has definetly assisted me in achieving the virtue of patience. Thank you!

One Love

2003-12-12T23:49:00.000-05:00

It's official today at group we all agreed that Sandra needs to win Survivor baised purely on the "Sass factor". She is such a sassy girl n since we luv sassy we definetly luv her. She's so smart, manipulative, n sassy that she's a must win! Lol. Anyway I am being forced to write a short entry cos of Shaqwuan. Shaqwuan n I are watching "Deliver Us From Eva" n she's making me go on here n mention two thangs. One that I'm obsessed with how cute n sassy the hairdresser in this movie is. He is wicked cute, gay, n wicked sassy. Okay enough with sassy. It's been the word of overkill since Survivor yestaday. Sassy Sassy Sassy Sassy Sassy! There I should be good! Lol. Second, I apparently need to mention how pretty, smart, n perfect my friend Shaqwuan is. She is too funny. She was saying that she's reading my weblog all the tyme now to make sure that, "her character is not portrayed in an unflattering light". Exact words yall! Who does she think she is a celebrity? Lol. Sorry gurl I'll try n keep thangs bout you strictly on the positive tip, lol. Too much Shaq, you are just too much. Anyway back to the movie.

One Love

2003-12-11T23:58:00.000-05:00

What can I bitch about now.....hmmmm. I prefer to use rant it just sounds betta. Anyway the weather was interesting. It was crappy, rainy, n cold in the morning but thangs did change. I stepped out again around 230 or 300pm. Speaking of which I just realized that I didn't watch the end of As The World Turns......oooooh yeah I did I just remembered the previews for tomorrows show. Did you know Rose flat lined while in ICU, I don't think she's gunna make it. And Barbara is such a bitch for setting up her son to take the fall for poisioning her. Wooooo I need to git back on track with this before I go into a thang about it. So I walked out the house n it was very eery. Like in one of those horror movies when the music is climaxing n then someone gits slashed into a gillion pieces. That kinda eery. Well it musta been about twenty degrees warmer n there was drizzle n dense dense fog. It was very odd but I decided that instead of being lazy as usual I would walk the block up the street to mail out some thangs.

Also my moms has the flu now so I'm being all cra-z about precautions in not gittin it now. Oooh i'll have to tell you about the word cra-z later. Anyway she's been whining for this n that. But hey I do too when I'm sick n I milk that shyt. I performed in plays in high school n I watch soap operas so I know how to act. Every tyme I give her something or take something away I run to the bathroom n wash my hands. Is that excessive? Alls I know is I am not about to git no flu thats for damn sure. Oh so this boi Stormin' keep spelling "cra-z" that way so seeing how I like to be creative with words I told him I'm stealing it. So there you go I stole it!

I had to go back to freakin Stop n Shop today for my moms. The same cashier I had yestaday checked me out again. I knew she was probably judging me after the junk food shopping spree from just 24hrs earlier. Speaking of which I frightfully got on a scale today to see how much weight I've put on. I've been feeling weighed down n fat lately. I know I usually feel fat but I felt with reason lately if that is cohearnt in anyway. So yeah I've gained 8 pounds in 10 days! Oh my God there was just this huge ass gust of wind that I could hear through the windows. I was staring at the window thinking I was gunna be airlifted like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Anyway back to the saga of my fatness. I know I'm still "thin" but the fat is noticeable n I seriously have a problem with food. I've gone through 2 boxes of Lil Debbie Christmas Trees n a box of Koffee Cakes last night! How sad is that?! I feel like the Pacman or sumthin. Watch out, I'm gunna come n eat the fuck outta your town...lol! I really need to learn some moderation in the food department. After I just finished the second doughnut in the last hour, I don't even really like them either. I can't stop eating but it's not even like I'm hungry. I eat sumthin n just sit there n outta habit look for more to eat. I gotta git a grip on this retarded shyt n work out more. Work out more actually means I work out at all now. I remember when not too long ago I had a flat stomach to be proud of. Now I look at it n swear it can smile back. Okay I'm overreacting but still. Okay starting Saturday I'll eat sensible n exercise like I used to. Tomorrow will be like my Fat Tuesday, lol. Damn this wind is strong. Hopefully this won't be my last entry...lol.

Tomorrow morning I have to go back to this place in West Side to apply for a job n speak to some lady named Kim now. It's very odd but my father gave me this address of a place in the city of West Side to apply at. He apparently knows someone that works there. So I go down n have no idea where I am or what I'm even applying for nevermind say. I give my name n tell the receptionist I want to apply for work. This asian lady, receptionist, says "Come back tomorrow morning. You speak to Kim." So I walked outta there confused outta my mind. I figured that the lobby would give me an idea of what kinda thangs they do there but nope. I am still clueless n now I see Kim tomorrow morning, lol. I dunno. Stormin' said that my father could be pimping me out without me knowing. That would be a very interesting interview. References? Well my last real boyfriend was Eric n that ended in June. Here's his number, call. Ya mean just would be funny. Stormin' had me straight out rollin' though, hilarious man. Anyway tomorrow morning will be a trip yall! Oooooh n on a closing note how much do we luv the show "The Simple Life"? Luving it! Those two are freaking hilarious. I so would luv just having a day out with them. Nicole Richie is by far the best. C'mon she is so raw. Crude, blatently honest, slutty, etc. Why wouldn't you? But that's my entry for the night. Oh shyt wait yall need to watch Survivor on Sunday cos it's the finale! My gurl Sandra just has to win. She is so sassy n I luvs me some sassyness. Anyway I'm out.

One Love

2003-12-10T19:41:00.000-05:00

Today was a relatively slow day except for when I left the house. I had to wake my ass up for breakfast with Tianesha at the cracka dawn. I had to wake up at freakin 645am! I know it's crazy but I am a relatively nice person so I went. So tempted to just smack that alarm clock around n pretend I didn't hear it but I was good. I actually got to IHOP on tyme too, I'm so proud of my newfound punctuality. She brought some of her kids, Lakia n Jabari but thank God left the two little ones at home with her moms. I still can't believe she just had lil Xavier Malik a month ago. She's so excited about finally losing some weight, she's looking good for a mother of four. Anyway thangs were fine until Lakia spilt freakin syrup all over the table n down the front of her shirt. It was such a sticky mess. Thank God she was on the other side of the table with her mom. See I know Jabari is clean n not clumsy like his sister. You gotta plan for these thangs to happen. It was so bad that the waitress had to move us to anotha table but Lakia was all messy. It was funny when it happened cos she's 8 n thinks shes all grown up now. And she was like mommy what is syrup made outta n why is it so good. Then bam all over the table n her shirt. So that was the fun morning out at IHOP w/ Tianesha n my godchildren. I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to do in being a godparent. I dunno cos both my godparents dont attend church or practice so I really dont have an example to look to. I just figure I have to see them a lot n buy them gifts. Lakia wants the Calixta Cd that just came out. I dunno, isn't she too young for that? She shouldnt be worrying about her "milkshake bringing all the bois to the yard". She's a big enough flirt for her age, dont want her gitting no ideas. I need to think of sumthin "wholesome" to git her, any ideas for an 8 yr. old girl lemme know. So after that I just chilled at home n went online n what not.

I went up to NoHo to pick up Heather n go grocery shopping. Now yall shoulda been there. First off there was this phine ass brutha in the frozen food aisle. Lol, we keep going around that area as I pretended to git sumthin. It was too funny. I think he was gay but there was this good lookin puerto rican with him. So either he was gay n had a bf or he was straight. Either way picking up a guy @ Stop n Shop is just retarded. Lemme tell yall how horrible of a driver I am with those grocery carriages. I was turning down the Ethnic aisle to pick up some Goya sodas, if yall havent had them they're cheap good n lots of variety, n also ran over this old lady who was looking through her coupons. I shouldn't be allowed to operate those, lol. So with $40 worth of food stamps we got junk food. Yes junk food. Pringles, Chocolate, Soda, Kool Aid, Entamen's cakes, n tons of lil Debbie stuff. I mean we got boxes of snoballs, coffee crumb cakes, starcrunch, boston creme rolls, etc. For real $40 worth. The lady at the check out was like what the fuck is wrong witchall. Yeah real healthy. Sad part is I've eaten quite a good amount of the food so far. Lord don't bless upon me the dreaded gift of fat. Anyway we was in the checkout aisle waiting n I saw that phine brutha from frozen foods in the magazine aisle. I slowly walked away n Heather was like where are you going. I causually walked away n told her I had to scope out a magazine right quick. So yeah I literally walked down the aisle to see him n as I passed him he looked up from his magazine n smiled at me n went back to his magazine. I was like sweet he's so gay now how do I approach this. No need to cos ten seconds later that puerto rican from earlier was walking up to him n said C'mon babe you ready to go. I was like aaaaaaaaaaa speechless. I'm like he was gay n damn you good looking puerto rican boi for being with him. lol. Oh well that would have been odd to meet someone in a supermarket. Or maybe all my bad luck in the best is because I didn't meet them at the supermarket. Hhhhmmmm....lol, highly doubtful. But that was my fun filled "hump" day. Hopefully yalls when just as interesting as mine did.

One Love

2003-12-07T23:51:00.000-05:00

First before I forget I'd like to remember all those that lost their lives in Pearl Harbor. Today it was still fucking snowing. I fucking hate snow!!! The local news station said we recieved about 10-12 inches between Friday night n today. This makes it the offical worst snow storm in December ever. For once though Boston, the North Shore, n South Shore got hit harder than we did. Bout damn tyme I've always despised talking to my friend Jennifer "Cheney" after a storm. We'd git a foot of snow n at her place in Boston they'd git a few inches n rain. Now you would think I could finally brag cos she got hit harder right? Dead wrong. She's studying abroad in Austraila where it's 60 n sunny. Oh well I can still complain to yall.

Unfortuanetly I got an update on the stalker, Willie, situation. I was talking to a friend n found out that he saw her recently n had some words. Here we go again, ::rolls eyes::. The reason he supposively hates me so much now is cos he's accusing me of breaking into his apartment. Child now I'm breaking into houses? What the hell is wrong with me! I think I need to clean up my act. LOL!!! Lord I can not beweave that! I started laughing when she told me. I 'm like are you fucking kidding me! She's like I knew it wasn't tru cos you would never do that or go back there. Damn right I wouldn't. Plus I'm too lazy to break into places. Cos that usually involves making a git away n I'm not into all the running, lol. Also he told her the reason he was in jail was for murder but got out on parole for good behavior. I dunno if I should believe that our not. I know he went to jail but I dunno what from. He also told her that he wants me dead. So yeah not good. But since that night I have not run into him. Probably cos he has no idea where I live n he has no car. I'm just so sick of this bullshyt. I will no longer be afraid. Ima kill him then! Lol, obviously kidding yall. Knowing this just makes me wiser. For one I just won't go back there, simple as that. And ya know what if he wants to keep walking three miles in the cold night to wait for me on a corner be my guest. One thing is certain, I won't be there. Just him n his frozen trifling ass. And he can continue to do this day in n day out. This will only consume him not me. My friend who spoke with him was scaried herself. She was like he really is psycho n that she hopes just not to run into him either. On anotha note if yall saw his "apartment" you would know there is nothing to steal. A delapatated lamp n chair, a small black n white tv, n a bed. Thats all there is in the "apartment". Plus he lives in a complex that has police security n metal doors. How is it plausible that I could break in? Anyway disturbing update but all is good with me. Hate in your heart will only consume you too. Free yourself from such hate.

One Love

2003-12-06T03:17:00.000-05:00

Ooops I did it again. I drank way too much. Got loud again. Oooh baby baby I might look like a drunk. And I fell down again. I'm not that innocent, lol. That's definetly how my night ended again. One thang was different though, a designated driver. Yes yall I implemented my words into actions n planned ahead knowing I should have a sober friend drive me. Now let's git to how it got there though.

I went to group as usual. Now's group is basically a state funded gay youth group in Springfield that meets every friday from 4-6pm. So I went to that n somehow we got into an hour long conversation about Michael Jackson. I was gitting myself heated about the fact that if he wasn't a celebratity he woulda lost his children by now. C'mon you mean to tell me that if I took my child n dangeled her outta my balcony that I wouldn't have police there in ten minutes taking away my baby? Instead they chalk it up to him being weird. Just like him sleeping with young bois at his ranch, weird they call it. Being weird n endangering children are two separate n distinct thangs. He gits away with a lot because he is "Michael Jackson". Also it's a slap in the face to the black community for him to pull out the race card when he feels necessary. When his last albumn flopped it was Tommy Matolla's fault cos he was a racist n didn't promote enough. Here's an idea maybe because your music career n personal life is now a joke. Lack of talent keep your last record on the shelves not Sony. Michael Jackson is a "man" that is so ashamed of his race that he went off n changed his freakin skin color along with almost any other recognizable body part on him. I'm supposed to believe him when his nose falls off n tells us he had plastic surgery on it only twice. Here I go again with this crap. Uuhh! I just can't stand him or respect him. Anyway, Jarrod really wanted to go to Ruby Tuesday's after group so he started negotiating with me at group. Final agreement came down to him bribing me with a Megarita n a drink of my choice. Fair enough. Now a megarita is a fourty ounce drink filled with tons of tequila n several other liquors. The waitress there was incredibly nice n funny. Oh my god yall for the Megarita I got a Blue Lagoon. It's so potent that you're limited to only one. The thang was freakin huge, looked like a damn fish bowl. I dunno how I managed downing that stuff. Anyway I insisted we should "shop" so I could walk off some of this alcohol before gitting behind the wheel. Now that is a responsible person right there, I'm making an effort now. In a matter of 45mins I mustta hit up the bathroom four tymes. It was just crazy n I can't handle Tequila so there ya go. That used to me my drink three years ago till the alcohol poisioning. Havent really touched it since. But we made it out the damn Holyoke Mall n it was off to my house to chill for a hour till we hit up the club.

You've gotta realize that we orginally planned on going back to Providence but since the big Nor'easter was pulling through we decided to stay local n hit up Xstatic. When we left my house at 1130pm it was already snowing. I despise snow to the fullest. I really just need to move down South so I no longer need to deal with cold weather n snow. Damn you Massachusetts! Anyway we got there n the show was cancelled cos of the empending storm. There was only about twenty people there. It was still cool though. It was like being at a club with all your friends n nothing more. Like we worked there or the club was ours. It was cool. So we kept popping in n out with the storm brewing outside. More than anything else Jarrod n I just wanted to git out the house n relaxify ourselves. I was drinking like a mad man there. I mustta had anotha six drinks there after all the liqour already in my system from Tuesdays. Plus I decided to drink Bacardi at home n bring some SoCo for the short ride. I really need to chill with all this drinking bullshyt. I dunno what's gotten into me but the past three weeks I've been a complete drunk. That has gotta change. I have an issue with moderation n control. I was doing quite good on control since I did not drive n let Jarrod bring me. That alone was a big step cos I am stubborn as hell. There was this cute ass Puerto Rican bartender there that keep looking at me from tyme to tyme. I was too obsessed with calling Jamaar n seeing why we will no longer talk to me. That conversation didn't flow to well when I called him on my cell outside the club. But this bartender was phine as hell. I was in the bathroom n he came in n starting asking if I had a man n all. The problem with me being smashed is my inability to see if I'm being hit on or not. So I go back to the bar after than n tell Jarrod. He's like you jackass he's been trying to kick it to you all night. How stupid do I feel. Anyway the night is pretty much over so while I'm waiting in the car with Galaxy n Carlos to go home. He decides to go back in there n talk to the bartender. Mentions how I thought he was phine n gave out my digits. Who knows about that one. I've had bad luck with Puerto Rican's in the past as far as relationships. And am not looking for a hookup so I dunno. He was phine though. He's 28 with a nine year old son. I love kids so that wouldn't be a problem. Okay I'm definetly jumping the broom now. Just need to chill cos I'm not expecting anything outta that night. Except anotha hangover n hopefully a well needed lesson in moderation.

One Love.

2003-12-03T23:09:00.000-05:00

Aaahhh! Just anotha one of those crappy days. Today I hit the pavement to look for a job. Hit up four shopping malls n just no luck. Hampshire Mall, twenty-five minute drive. Holyoke Mall, ten minute drive. Eastfield Mall, twenty-five minute drive. Enfield Mall, fifteen minute drive. Finding out after driving to four different malls in frigid ass New England weather that there are no jobs: Priceless. For everything else there is - The Human Bitch! That was a fun voyage, rolls eyes in disgust. I decided that I'd set up an interview n testing at a local temp agency. Any work is some work like any money is some money. I was not in the happiest of moods obviously. Cue overly happy mom. Then comes home my mother asking if I had found a job. Then, "well what have you done all day then?". I lost it n starting going off about my day. You need an interview before you git the job. She makes it seem like finding a job is like finding a penny in a parking lot. Yeah it is when there are jobs available. Then my father comes home a few hours later with the same line of questions. I just went off on him. I was cussing left n right like crazy n at a very loud volume. He walked out of my room pretty slowly n scared outta his mind. Talk about a bad day.

I just finished watching MTV's "Rich Girls" n everything just clicked with me. Since the beginning of the series I could always relate to Ally Hilfiger. Tonight it showed her breaking down over a few simple thangs. I was sitting here watching it still stressed out from the day talking to the TV about how that was me. I really need to relax a bit, breathe, break down the situation at hand, n figure out a game plan. Sometymes you need to just try n simplify thangs. Instead of gitting myself going to the point where I'm literally acting crazy. Just refocus n relax. Ally, girl I feel you. We all git a lil overwhelmed n turn crazy. It's okay let's both try n not make this into a life long career or anythang!

2003-12-01T18:31:00.000-05:00

December 1st, World AIDS Day. Now what makes this day very meaningful is the fact that it's observed worldwide. What make this observance different than last year is the magnitude at which it is presently at. Nelson Mendella is doing a lot to help fight what AIDS is doing to the global community. He's raising awareness n leading the fight to raise funds to help combat this horrible diease. In South Africa today Mendella organized a huge event worth noting. A concert with some huge stars performing; such as Beyonce Knowles, U2's Bono, n several high profile international stars. Also, Oprah Winfrey was in attendance n built her whole show around South Africa n the World AIDS Day event. Watching the event n Oprah truly was moving. The words of Mendella, as they usually are, were prolific n insightful as to what needs to be done. Global cooperation for a diease that has global impact. It truly does only take a minute. If we could all just devote one minute of our lives today to donate towards finding a cure for AIDS. Even just a dollar, one dollar from each American is $365 million!

As monumental as this day is there is sumthin' we can do. Most importantly by educating n implementing. Educating by simply telling your friends the importance of safe sex, condoms, n to avoid casual sex. Implementing by practicing what you preach basically. Lead by example to your friends. Very simple thangs we are all capable of doing. Also, making sure that you n your friends git tested regularly. It may sound stupid but make testing a group outing of sorts. Three of my friends n I all got a free AIDS test together. Not knowing is ignorant n dangerous. Not only to the people you sleep with but also to yourself. It only takes a minute to educate, implement, git involved, n donate. It starts with you!

2003-11-30T14:06:00.000-05:00

Today I wake up with a massive hangover. More than anything else I wake up with regrets. Regretting how out of control I was last night. Lemme tell yall what went down last night.

A bunch of friends n I decided that we'd make a trip down to Providence to do some clubbin' at MB (Mirabar). I introduced all my friends to Providence last year n now they've been obsessed like I am. Back in the summer of '01 I sought solace in the city of Providence after the break up with my fiance Danny. We broke up in June n I really didn't want to stay around here to deal with the local scene n how uncomfortable n messy it'd be. Just needed some space away from it all. I decided to go to Providence with my friend Tommy for a lil' day trip. The city was fuckin' gorgeous reminded me of all my tyme in Italy. A beautiful mall at Providence Place n a killa trendy downtown. I fell in love just being there for the day. It was kind of like a cleaner pint-size version of Boston. Anyway last night we decided to head back down for a night out at MB.

Heather n I were going to meet everyone down at the club versus going for the day. I met up at her apartment in NoHo around 7pm to pregame n just chill. It was the coldest n windiest day we've had since last winter, just our luck. Back to the pregame. So we just chilled, drank, n watched music videos. There was this dude that came in that mustta knew Heather asking if anyone knew where to git some weed. First off I was almost done gitting ready for the club so I was lookin' like a freakin' playboi. He was lookin me up n down like he was gunna have a chance or sumthin. Now his hair was all sorts of greasy n he had some raggedy ass threads on. While I was pouring myself anotha drink Heather asked me what was wrong. I was like I'm cold as hell my nipples were hard. He looked at me all goofy n said well I'll warm you up. Yall shoulda been there for my reaction, priceless. I shot him the coldest n dirtiest look ever n said naw man I'm all set don't touch me. Maybe it was the alcohol talking or more likely me thinking out loud again. Anyway I was like don't you look me up n down like I'm even gunna give you the tyme of day. I dunno call me a bitch but when he comes up lookin' like that thinkin' he gunna stunt with me then shyt out comes the diva. I also met Heather's ex-girlfriend. I can't remember her name but we got along real good. She reminds me of alotta my girlfriends. Very funny, pretty, n real. Definetly good people. Anyway it was 930pm n we headed out to RI. The ride was nothing major just a relaxing drive with some good music jammin' out dem speakers. I was so proud of my car, Lil' Nippy, for driving so well. Cos of all the wind we didn't git there till 1130pm. We met up with Jarrod n Jeff at the parking lot n off we went to Mirabar.

I had a good amount of liquor up in my system just walkin' through the door so I feeling good. As we waited in line on the stairs we noticed that one of our other friends, Tony, was already there too. We finally got through n the club was packed yall. I don't think Ian or Anthony were there last night. I know for a fact that Nikoh was there n I walked right passed him without a word. I went to say hi to my friend Jeff who's a bouncer at the club. He was talking with someone else at the tyme but that guy quickly noticed me. His name was Ryan n he kept talking about how cute I was. He was lookin' good himself so I didn't mind at all. Plus if yall saw me there you betta have complimented how hot I am, lol. But I left them both to git my drink on. Oh my God yall they played Whitney Houston n I went crazy. My friends ended up throwing me on stage so I could act a fool to my girl's music. I kept dancing n kept drinking. Well I remember having a lot of shots from shot boi's that walked around. Then I went back over to talk to Jeff n Ryan was there. Ryan n I kept talking, turns out he has a boyfriend who was there. Well I was seeing Jamaar but that didn't stop me from returning back the flirting. I had to go to the bathroom n he was nice enough to volunteer to take me. I dunno how it started but I remember telling some random girl that I was a sober virgin. Even she didn't believe me. It's very odd cos lately when I've been shyt faced I keep telling them that I'm a 'sober virgin'. What up with that? Anyway then Ryan n I made a pact that we'd no longer that night cos we was trashed. At some point these girls started to chant for us to kiss n we definetly did that. We made it out the bathroom n continued the back out session in the club for a good portion of the night. Well he went back to his boyfriend while I went back to being a beligerent drunk. I tend to be very aggressive, slutty, loud, n abrasive while under the bottle. My friends n the bouncer all got me cut off from the bar n even all the shot bois were notified. Alls I remember was dancing, drinking, n making out. And probably running my mouth n starting shyt as usual. The club was finally closing n my drunk ass made it out in one piece. I was waiting out in front for Heather to come down so we could go. I kept yelling out non coherent babble n hobbled around. I think they realized I needed to go when I kept taking off my shirt n stating how horny I was. I was just a drunken mess. Heather finally came down n went into my pockets to take my keys. I started yelling at her while I chased her ass my pants were literally falling off my ass. My friends were now my babysitters as usual. Thats sad how nights usual end in me being lectured. I was straight up tore up. And I was gunna drive home?

You got that right. It was either me or Heather. Now she claims she got her license but it didn't come in yet. She has been caught up in lies before so unless I saw this license there was no way she'd be driving home. Even if she had it I wouldn't trust her driving. This means I'd have to take the wheel. I dont condone drinking n driving whatsoever. I will drive intoxicated home from clubs in Springfield but I'm a mere five minutes away. In this case I was driving home from Providence, 1 1/2 hour away. I dunno how I made it home last night but I will never do that again. It's scary to wake up n wonder how you made it home. I need to wake up n be responsible. Wake up to reality. I cant go through sumthin' like that again. I need to act responsible. I know n everyone else knows that when I go out I'm gunna drink. So knowing that I need to have a designated driver to places that I'm going to. I gotta wake up dawg. Shyt I gotta git some aspirin n OJ.

One Love

2003-11-27T23:43:00.000-05:00

So today is Thanksgiving. Thats nice n all. It's been a long ass day n I'm thankful for surviving anotha freakin holiday. Yeah I'm thankful blah blah blah blah blah. Then reality sets in n the magical beginning of the day fades. One no longer remembers how thankful they were in the early morning but rather thankful they survived. And isn't that what it's all about? Just survivin'! Anyway if I sound jaded n extremely sarcastic please forgive the real me. So let's break on down the day known as Thanksgiving '03.

The first engagement which requires heavy doses of SoCo, for yall that dont know - Southern Comfort, n extreme restraint always takes place at my great aunt's house. To know how it goes is to understand the players involved. My great aunt is a bit of a racist homophob religious old school republican. It's the anti-Christ! lol. My great uncle is the same way except he likes to share those views in parable n joke form on any holiday circuit available. My grandfather on my mothers side, only one I know n acknowledge, is not the smartest man. Okay he's pretty dumb n literally dropped outta school in eight grade, no lie yall. He loves to git involved in all the hate speech parables n jokes. I now take a seperate car to this function to leave at the tyme I intend to lose it. My uncle, father, mother, sister, n grandmother on my mothers side are all there. No problem with them. It's the other three that cause the torture. Also I am only out to my sister, mother, n father. So most of the tyme when the homo jokes come to play I have to try n chill otherwise I'd be lynched. And does anyone really like a lynching on Thanksgiving? Those three (grandfather n great aunt n uncle) love to degrade you if you're not perfect. It's like I'm being interogated. Wonder why they only see me on the holidays...hmmm. So when are you gitting married? Any girls on the line? When are you going back to school? When are you going to settle down n have kids? It goes on n on. So this year the topic for them how "faggots are trying to take over the world with their gay marriages here" Maybe I missed that segment on the news. I thought we were just going after the right to marry n have the same rights in Massachusetts. Shyt I gotta check my email I didn't know we were taking over the world too. Sweet! At least my sister is there sticking up for me by trying to explain it to them. No sense in explaining stuff to ignorant people, you can't win n it only frustrates yourself. But there was some good talk about how Rosie is a lesbian n how she waited till her show was over because America woulda voted her out if they knew the truth. Ummm I didn't know she had a talk show on Survivor! Vote off the lesbian! lol. Also they went into how black people are taking over their city. I dunno where they've been but in Springfield the majority of people are black n hispanic. So why are racist white old people living there? I dunno but maybe they should move some where near the Bush ranch in Texas. It was just anotha bad holiday. I was nice as can be n ate, objected, n left. It was funny when I turned 18 n it was Thanksgiving n she asked if I voted in the election. I said yes n that my canidate won the election. She looked at me all happy thinking it was Bush. I said yeah but the Republican ruled Supreme Court stopped the recount to allow the election to be finished. Oh and my canidate did win the election by a half million votes but didn't win "the game" called the electoral college. Her look was priceless. I was so tempted to bring Jamaar to Thanksgiving this year but I'm sure my parents wouldn't wanna be there for the battle. Just imagine me saying to my great aunt. "Happy thanksgiving. I'm gay n I'd like you to meet my black boyfriend." Now that is a kodak moment. So that was done with n I went home early n took myself a lil nap before my second thanksgiving engagement at 8pm. And off we go!

Now this was at my friend Heather's apartment in NoHo. For a lesbian she can cook. I thought that was the gay man's thang but look at me I can't cook a lick. I went up there for 8pm. Child it was damn frigid out there. I hate cold weather cos I will sit up at home n hibernate. I dont care but you wanna git me out the house you betta pick me up in a preheated car n take me some where worth my tyme. But it's Thanksgiving the tyme of giving n all that crap. So I was nice n drove the 20-25 mins up there. The food was good though. I dunno what half the shyt there was but I knew that the rice n beans were off the chain. And all that mattered was that sweet potatoe pie was mine! Anyone that knows me knows my love for sweet potatoe pie. And this was the home made shyt. I like sweet potatoe pie I'll go to freakin KFC n git it. I don't care. But this was the real deal yall. I got to see her ex-fiance there with her new trick. I don't know why that trick was with her cos she can do betta but that's beside the point. I met this person called Zane that apparently thought I was phine, thats all good n all. Reality "Zane" is a girl that wants to be a guy, not really what I'm going for here. Anyway a compliment is a compliment n I'll take it as such. Had some good food that night n I actually sat there n watched freakin Termanitor (i think that's how you spell it) 3 with them. I don't think Arnold is a good actor or governor. It was such a stupid movie. It was so much fun just watching their reactions n how into the movie they were. I was laughing so hard inside n making my usual sarcastic funny comments but kept them to myself. All in all a betta night than morning. Overall I'm thankful n all blah blah blah. Thankful for the practice of self restraint, lol. Thanful for a loving n supportive group of friends n selected family. More than anything I pray for all those less fortunate than me. The day for giving thanks is finally over. Sweet now it's all about me again! Just kidding, okay sorta kidding...lol.

One Love n Thanks

2003-11-25T11:29:00.000-05:00

Last night was definetly interesting. I was very ansy n just needed to git out. So at 11pm I called Heather to tell her I was coming up to NoHo n we'd git some koffee. By the tyme I got my shyt in gear n got up there it was quarter of midnight. We went over to Dunkin' Donuts to enjoy some koffee n conversatin'. That's definetly been a past tyme of mine with friends, Dunkin' Donuts ain't nuttin' wrong wit dat. Just to relax, chill, n enjoy. Anyway, we got our koffee n had a lovely conversation cetching up. I had my mothers new Ford Tarus so I decided that we had to go for a drive. I very rarely am allowed to drive it so when I have it trust we gunna drive! It's a red sports edition 2003 Ford Tarus fully loaded with leather interior. Why wouldn't I want to go for a drive in that, no offense lil' Nippy. Heather kept telling me bout how the arcade was open twenty-four hours a day at the Hampshire Mall. Now this was sumthin worth seeing for myself.

I figured since we were just driving around we'd make a trip to Hadley to see if it was true or not. We arrived at 2am to a desolate creppy parking lot. I'm like you've gotta be kidding me we actually went there. Heather ran to check n sure enough the arcade was open. Now any of yall that know me, I dont do arcades but hey it was 2 in the morning n no one would see me so I was down. We went in n it was so weird. A desolate mall all dark except the lights shinning through from the arcade. I ran in like a kid in a candy store. It was too funny a grown adult in an arcade at two in the freakin' morning yall. We played this game where you ride a horse in a virtual derby. Talk about a sight to see. Two people ridding on horses whipping the shyt outta it n screaming. Child that wore me out but what counts is that I won. As we finally exited the mall there was a stack of newspapers at the door. Keyword was! Needless to say we stole dem fuckas. As we were gittin' in the car the mall security guard came out running after us. After speeding away with a stack of tomorrows papers we called it a night. Shyt i saved me fifty cents!

One Love

2003-11-23T03:07:00.000-05:00

The one good thing that came outta Thursday night was seeing Tony. Tony was able to give me the phone number to my good friend Heather. I haven't talked to her since she moved to Northampton. She's left her number on my answering machine a few tymes but it seemed to fade in n out over some crucial numbers. Anyway, long story short I called her n was invited to come up n see her place in NoHo. It wasn't bad at all. Hey a place to call your own! We planned on going to Xstatic for the strip show. I haven't been there in at least a month. I always feel weird n kinda sick n derty being at a strip show. I dunno it just makes me uncomfortable but that's what we had planned so it's all good. And so the journey of my night began.

One thing that hasn't changed is the fact that Heather still misplaces important stuff like her wallet, money, or ID. This tyme she left her ID in her friends house. Well this friend lives all the way out in Palmer. Now I've never been out there n driving out in the country at night is sumthin I don't do. In fact I don't even drive in the country during the day. At 9pm we began our journey into Palmer. Country roads with no lights at night is beyond scary. I really believe that should be changed, especially for travelers unknown to the area. Lemme give you a betta visual. Driving down a two lane road on a country road you've never been on with no lights at night n a car is freakin' tailgating you, not that fun! Took us a damn hour to finally git to this kid's house. So as we head back to the city I soon realize that this didn't look like the way we previously got there. I kept seeing all these signs for weird places like Three Rivers n Bondsville. I was like shyt we ain't even close. I took some random right turn heading towards a place called Monson. I was clueless but all was good when I saw those double arches, McDonald's baby! I was hungry n lost so it seemed like I was entering heaven. It was too funny pulling up to the drive thru window. I was like, "so where exactly are we n how do we git back into the city." He looked at us like we had two heads but I guess country bumpkins do that. He started laughing telling us that if we take a right at the next sign we'd hit up the Mass Pike. Oh n bye the way you're in Palmer. How the hell were we still in Palmer? Oh well we got back to the city in one piece n full. And so the journey into Xstatic began.

Now I already mentioned my uneasiness with strip shows so here we go. As soon as we walked into I noticed this phine ass stripper. He was maybe two inches taller than me n had this nice toned body with a killa ass. I was like damn! He also had this gorgeous smile that just makes you melt into silly puddy. We found a lil place in the club to stand n watch as the strippers showed it all off. That stripper I was obsessed about when we first got in was now on stage doing his performance. He was those red devil horns on n a tail while just wearing these tight ass booty shorts. I was like damn! I was trying not to drool but shyt he was phine. But I was good n gave no huge signs to the people I was with that I was obsessed with this stripper. Heather knew betta. She knew my type. He had this sexy light mocha look to him, hmmm maybe he was mixed. I dunno what he got in him but his parents did good! So I'm just standing there checking my messages on my cell when all I could feel was this heavy breathing on my neck. Then I felt a hand on my thigh n could feel a body grinding with mine. I was appauled n was about to turn around n say what the fuck till I saw who it was...the stripper! The stripper was dancing right behind me n there was nothing I could do, awww. Well we talked a lil n he walked around. Five minutes later Heather went to git a drink at the bar. It took her quite awhile. I soon realized on the way home why it took her so long. She was at the bar talking to the stripper. Apparently he thought I was cute n wanted to git to know me. I was like not uhn! So she said that we have to go back next Saturday cos he was planning on giving me a free lap dance. I dunno he's fucking phine ass hell yall don't know. But I've had bad luck with strippers in the past...aka Rahim n Chris. So I steer clear. I understand why they would do it n all. C'mon it's good money but still it's not respectable. Plus you tend to git jealous seeing hands all over your boyfriend. Or the fact when they work the crowd they tend to git offers. I dunno I guess I'll show up next Saturday. Cos he is phine as hell! Shyt I gotta git some grub n chill.

One Love

2003-11-21T02:48:00.000-05:00

So as I tried to enjoy yet another Thursday night at The Pub one thing was standing in my way, the stalker. I had this uneasy feeling about leaving that night. Sumthin' told me that he'd be out. It's sad when to go out I have to borrow my parents minivan for fear of him ruining my car. Driving around the block before parkng just to see if he's out. Looking around every corner n constantly looking behind me as I walk. Sad what it's come to. But I just had this uneasy feeling so I asked my friend Heather's boyfriend if he wouldn't mind walking me to my car. As soon as we walked out the door I noticed he was here once agin. One the corner of the Federal State House one block away. We quickly crossed the street as he screamed out at me. It reminded me of a celebratity being harrassed n followed by the paparazzi. We quickly picked up the pace as he crossed the street n began to follow us. At that tyme I was really scared some shyt was going to go down. As we approached the car I quickly pulled out my keys to turn off the alarm n prepare for a get away. He was now closer than ever. Maybe a mere twenty feet behind me. We quickly jumped in the car. I was so nervous I was barely able to start the car. However, I peeled outta that lot scared as hell. Even at that point he wouldn't let up. He started chasing after the car n began throwing rocks at the car. So now I can't even go out with my parents minivan cos he knows what it looks like too. Why on earth is this happening to me? What the hell is wrong with him? When will all this madness leave? When will I be able to have full control of my life back?

One Love

2003-11-18T15:26:00.000-05:00

Huge news in the world today, gay marriage. My great state of Massachusetts has decided that gay oppression is unconstitutional. Our Supreme Court ruled that it was illegal, according to our state constitution, to make gays second class citizens. It stated how it was illegal to not allow us access to marriage n all the benefits that accompany it. The legislature has 180 days to make sure that this ruling goes into effect. How monumental is this? I saw people celebrating in San Francisco by eating New England Clam Chowda n waving little flags of Massachusetts. That in itself is just crazy. This is a huge step in fighting the injusticies perpetuated upon our gay community by our own government. Our own government that we participate in a plethora of ways. The home of the free n the brave. One in which "President" Bush says we need to help freedom flourish by fighting unilateral wars in Afghanistan n Iraq. How bout fighting for our freedem at home asshole!

Anyway, back to what this ruling means in my state. The ruling specifically stated that a ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional. Meaning the legislature has to enact gay marriage in 180 days, not civil unions. Also, the only option in not enacting gay marriage would be to put forth an amendment to change our state constitution. That requires two votes in two consecutive terms with a two-thirds majority vote. Then it would be placed on the ballot in 2006 as a referendum in which it needs a majority vote. In the meantyme it would leave a gap of two years for gays to marry. If by some chance it passes they would have to deal with all the couples who have already been married. Their options would be to either grandfather in all the couples or for the state taxpayers to foot the cost for all their divorces. Highely unlikely the citizens of this great state would enact that. A recent poll by Boston TV station WBZ showed that 53% to 38% supported the courts decision. Even better news is that almost two-thirds do not support changing the state's constitution to ban gay marriage. So if for some reason it was put to a vote in 2006 odds are in our favor. A monumental decision n an interesting future ahead for my state.

2003-11-16T23:45:00.000-05:00

Here I am on a Sunday night, at home. I've officially become a prisoner in my own home. How sad is that? Well the way I'm figuring it is once I have a steady job I'll stick to places like Xstatic around here where he doesn't go. And also a place that has plenty of security so my car would be safe. So I'm stuck here working on adding thangs to my webpage, which yall need to scope out, n listening to my Jagged Edge CD. Not a typical Sunday night in the life of TK, Holliwood, or Gregg. Almost everyone I know only knows me by my nickname, TK. Lately it's kinda been like an alter ego for me. A new identity n free start for the person known as TK. Gregg during the day n TK at night. So let's unravel the mystery of the now infamous "TK".

It all started back when I was helping my friend Heather in a drag show @ Xstatic. I picked out her name n every thang, Fo Sho. I've always talked about changing my name once I got myself together. Basically financially independent, living on my own, n set within a career n myself. The name would be symbolic of a new beginning one full of more positives than negatives. The name I choose to establish myself was Terrance Kahlen Kenyon. So the nickname was "TK". Well after that I decided that since Heather pulled me in to do a cameo as the rapper Mystikal during her performance I would need a stage name. The name was easy TK! And since then it stuck. TK is now my alter-ego. Now I myself am a unique person in my own right. I've been described as funny, outgoing, crazy, n usually fulla energy. TK is Gregg squared. He is just off the chain crazy to the xtreme. TK has been known to be very sexual, indulge in drugs or alcohol, n is up for anythang. Literally almost everything. TK is just a crazy ass muthafucka. The alter ego known as TK is like the night club/night tyme devil. He ain't pure n he got a lotta attitude. He is basically everything that I would normally dare not to do during the day. This TK is a crazy ass trip that I embrace full heartedly. Now yall must think Ima nut after talking about two of me in this paragraph but dont trip I am sane. So they say! Lol. TK is a horny fuck too lemme tell yall. Wait...maybe I shouldn't, yeah we'll just keep that to meself! I'm outta here though. Me n TK, lol.

2003-11-14T02:47:00.000-05:00

I decided I would not give up my social life for a low life ex-con. I decided no longer to let fear take over my life. I decided tonight I would go to The Pub for karoke. This was sumthin' I 've been doing for awhile now. Just a relaxing Thursday night with friends, some drinks, n acting a fool on karoke. Considering what happened last tyme I was out I had reason to be paranoid. I literally circled the area four tymes ova searching for signs of my stalker. All the while I had the heat blasting n sounds of Destiny's Child "Survivor" penetrated my speakers. I parked, went downstairs, n thangs were smooth. Almost too smooth. All the usuals were there n I had a nice laid back relaxed evening out. Now you all know that thangs were about to change...

As soon as I stepped out the door I scoped out the area n realized thangs were aiight so far. I said my goodbyes n started to walk to my car. There she sits, my car's name is Lil' Nippy in honor of the tru Diva herself Whitney Houston, untouched n no sight of my stalker. I started heading down Dwight St. to go home when look who was out, Willie. Now he musta just got there cos I was outside five minutes prior when I left the club to git in my car. Now I'm stopped at a red light n in the left hand lane. He was on the same side of the street as I was about a half block behind me. He notices my car n starts yelling at me n began to chase my car. I was staring at the red light cursing it to change. Finally I saw how close he was n floored through the light. Went up past the Mardi Gras about a quarter mile to wait at anotha red light. He circled the corner n kept chasing my car cursing out my name. I eventually had to floor it n run anotha red light. Finally as I sped up past Xstatic I knew I was in the clear. Damn the city for all dem lights! As I was coming home on Freeway 91 I said to myself, "How in the hell have I gotten to this point?"

2003-11-11T16:58:00.000-05:00

So I missed Willie's phone call. The one in which he wanted "to talk about his issues." I don't care n I owe him shyt. After him threatening me Saturday I need to avoid him at all costs. Shouldn't I be the one that needs to talk about issues after the shyt went down? I'm just thankful he doesn't know where I live. Sometymes I wonder if it's my fault. One of my friends said that it's his n that I shouldn't have to live in fear. But how can I not? I understand the concept of not giving up my social life to avoid him. But how would I remdy that? One suggested in notifying the club's owner of the situation at hand. Or even going to the Springfield Police. What information could I give them? His first name, what he looks life, n that when I'm downtown he stalks me. So the police concept is upsurd. However, letting the owners of The Pub know would be benefitical. More so than anything else is when I leave the club. What would happen? Would he be waiting? And also important is he knows what my car looks like n would likely damage the shyt outta it. I dunno the whole situation sucks n got me always looking behind me n around.

On anotha note there are two constant concerns on my mind. College n a steady job. I'm going to end up going through deadend job to deadend job if I don't go back to college n specialize in sumthin. The task seems so monumental n hard to approach. I'll have to think of someway to afford to go back n have the tyme needed to devote. Anyway today is Veteran's Day. I'd like to personally thank all those who have defended our country. In addition God Bless all our troops over seas n hope they all come back healthy.

2003-11-09T11:41:00.000-05:00

It's Sunday morning and I'm just glad to be alive. We all live life dangerously from tyme to tyme but not everyday. That's what my life has turned into, a daily sequence of events that could have lasting impacts. About two weeks ago I met this guy named Willie @ The Pub on a Saturday night. He was feeling me apparently n offered to buy me a drink. At that point in the night I was drunk n the place was bout ready to close. He asked if I minded giving him a ride home n since it was over on Plainfield Ave, three mins from my house, I obliged. Once we arrived at the complex he begged me to come up for a bit. After about five mins I decided to just go up, hell I was drunk n horny. Went upstairs n did the damn thang! Now I gave him my number n he called that next Friday. So a week later he decided to call n ask if I can show up to The Pub for Halloween night. Now I didn't go cos I personally dont partake in Halloween events cos it is against my religion. Celebrating a pagan holiday n all but i digress. So I did not show up but Willie never gave me a phone number to reach him at. Obviously I couldn't call back to let him know I wouldn't be out there.

Last night I saw him. Thangs were going real good for me that night. I was feeling n looking real sexy doing my thang when he decides to show up at 1:20am. He is extremely pissed off that he's called but couldn't git a hold of me. He only left one message regarding Halloween. Plus I never had his number. He all together just starts acting irrational about seeing me. I was like what the hell you don't even know me fool. He goes on n on aggravating my night n ruining the high I was on. After I told him for the past twenty minutes I'm not hanging out with him afterwards I head out the club. I was planning to meet up with Tianesha after I left The Pub. But, I was nice n offered him a ride. We git to his complex n he tells me how I need to go up. I don't need to do shyt! He tells me how all of a sudden he needs to talk n has all these issues. Also, he decides to tell me that he just recently got outta prison...God only knows for what! So we go back n forth about me saying No. After about twenty minutes of this bullshyt I am pissed off. Then he decides to take out a pocket knife n threaten me. I was literally scared shytless. Talking bout how he can just kidnap me if he wants n how he has no problem going back to jail. I don't know how I sweet talked my way outta that one. End result was I told him to call me today at 3pm n we can talk. I don't even wanna answer that call. Either way Ima try n avoid downtown all together n not to park in the same place I usually do. I figure at least if he's down there he can't go acting a fool n put my car in jeopardy or my life. Basically I'm glad he doesn't know much about me. He only knows of two places I go to downtown. I gotta stop talking to strangers, literally! My momma was right, "Never talk to strangers". He is just toe up crazy yall! Aiight I'm fretting agin now. Ima go drink some tea n cherish the fact that I'm still alive.

2003-11-07T15:27:00.000-05:00

I'm in a weird kinda mood right now. Kinda like blah. Blah but gitty for no apparent reason. Anyway, there have been some adjustments made to my webpage. I added n am in the process of adding more poetry n plan on undertaking several other additions this weekend. So that should be nice.

Last night I decided I would once agin show my face at The Pub. Considering I haven't shown up on Thursday for a good three weeks I figured I'd make my appearance. I met up with some friends there; Liz, Lisa, Heather (not the real name but a nickname for a guy), Carlos (i think, Heather's boyfriend), Jimmy James, n Taz. Also in attendance was Shawn. Now Shawn doesn't like me at all cos I slept with Jim. Apparently him in Jim were going out. Reality was Shawn was obsessed w/ Jim n the feelings were not reciprocated. Is that my problem? No! He was single, I was single, n Shawn was single. And I'm a "cold hearted manipulative slutty bitch" as he so eloquently put. Bitch don't hate cos I had him n you never would or could. Anyway, damn look at me go off at the mouth. Shawn was there. The last tyme he wrote me a note talking about how much of a bitch i was n blah blah blah. He had a friend pass me a goddamn note in a club! I went up to him and was like ahhhh hell naw. Git ya ass ova here n explain this note. I told him first off I don't accept notes, I have graduated from junior high. If you so man in this note be one n talk to me. It basically ended with me telling him that he is entitled to his warped view of the situation n not to bother saying hi like a fake ass bitch next tyme I see you. Well that next tyme was last night n he didn't say a damn thang. And thats good for his sake cos he don't wanna play, trust. Damn look at me go!

So onto last night, lol. Heather cheats on her man all the damn tyme. She tries to kick it to me but I ain't about to play that game. I know of plenty of people that cheat. Hell I've done it myself! But the way she cheats damn she gon git caught one of these days. Her man will be at the same god damn club as her n she'll have a friend keep him occupied in anotha room so she can go cheat. I'm like damn gurl you pushing it. I would never cheat on some if they are in the same club as me, that's just stupid. And she tries to git me involved as being her look out while she's sucking some dick. Child I am not the one, okay! Oooh she makes me so mad sometyme. But I honestly don't place all the blame on her. Why you might ask...well for starters her man must have some clue or notion that sumthin ain't right. He gotta realize that when she is only with him for maybe 20% of the tyme @ a club where is the remaining portion? There are just way too many signs that even a blind man can pick up. She's my friend but I feel bad for him. Then agin I really don't know him or talk to him that much. And I tend to think first it's not my place n second it's his fault for not seeing clear signs. All in all it was a betta than expected night. All thangs considered it could have been a lot worse for me. One Love.

2003-11-05T18:48:00.000-05:00

Democracy is great but yesterday it did not favor my views. Voting took place in my area yesterday for key positions; mayor in my city, alderman in my city, n mayor in springfield. When I casted my ballot yesterday never did it cross my mind that my choice for mayor would lose. Frankly I don't think that defeat crossed his mind neither. It was hotly contested but he went down 6,737 to 6,423. Now please tell me agin that your vote does not count. My choice for ward alderman also lost by a staggering 64 votes. Talk about close yall. So now my city has once agin elected a Republican to rule over all of us. Now in Springfield, we lost by a mere 1,700. In a city that big it was close. So now there is a Republican in power there. What is wrong with people? Massachusetts is know for it's legacy of Democrats n liberal values. Have we forgotten our heritage? So I'm still dealing with all that.

What bothers me more I think is the lack of qualified or deserving people on the ballot to vote for. Now three out of the four alderman at-large ran for re-election. The three that were running as incumbents each have been on the board for over twenty years! I firmly believe you need new blood n new ideas. The average age among them is 74! Are people who are 74 n have been in office for twenty plus years the right ones to lead us into the future? To offer new ideas to reivent our struggling community? I think not. For ward alderman we had a choice between a liar, deciever, known scam artist or an old, asshole, who cares less about his people. Needless to say I chose the asshole, lol. It's really quite sad. But what can I do? I voted. I fulfilled my obligation in voicing my opinion, more that can be said of most in the community. I believe there is more I can do. Encourage qualified individuals who plan on doing sumthin in office. Maybe I can git more involved in our political process in my community. Maybe I can stop complaining n start doing myself. If not me then who? The asshole, scam artist, or alderman over the age of 70? Oh by the way, the scam artist is my new ward alderman. Glad he can devote his tyme to helping himself in assisting his business to thrive. Democracy is great but yesterday it really sucked.

2003-11-03T23:13:00.000-05:00

Last night I decided to stay in n just watch "The Practice" instead of heading out to Xstatic. I have not been seriously drunk for quite awhile now. So in light of all that I have decided to declare Sunday the 9th of November, DRUNK DAY. It will be in dedication to the fact that I have not gotten drunken since August. And that my folks is two months havin two or three drinks tops from tyme to tyme. So this will be a well deserved holiday of sorts for me.

As far as today went the weather was incredible, 70+ degree day in Massachusetts...can't git much betta than that yall. I took in the perfect weather for the most part. I am looking forward to tomorrow, Election Day. Because I unlike a lot of young people I vote every opportunity I can. With everyone who says there vote doesn't count n stay at home I win. You might ask how? Because you decide to be inactive in OUR political system you help my voice resonate more. You give my vote more power. Anyway, I have the opportunity to vote for mayor in my city. He was mayor for ten years but took a state job n has been outta city hall since '97 I believe. But he is a friend of the family n look forward to voting for him. Also, there is a heated battle going on in Springfield for mayor that I anticpate will be good drama to unfold.

I am also embarking a room change. Okay not really a move type thang, same room just set up differently. So I'm in the process of moving all the shyt around n organizing shyt betta. Give my room a different look.

I was speaking with a friend, Jen who is studying abroad in Austraila, online last night when it hit me. I have been single for four months now. The last tyme I've had a boyfriend was with Eric n that ended back in June. I'm quite proud of myself. For starters I've come to the assumption that I do NOT need a man to make me feel complete. A man does NOT take away my problems, he usually adds to them. I man does NOT need to be the center of my life. And most importantly I do NOT need to settle for a brutha that can't do right by me. I do NOT need a man just to have one, nor do I need to go from relationship to relationship. Take it slow man, ain't no rush no more with me. Because I can finally see. What was always here, in front of me. The good young man that I can be. Don't need no brutha to hinder me. Because I can finally see. One Love.

2003-11-02T21:06:00.000-05:00

I love Sundays. I have come to appreciate how much Sundays mean to me. Cos Monday thru Friday we run around between school n work, everything is just back to back craziness. Now Saturday is typically the day where you always have something planned, possible roadtrips, or need to git a lot of stuff to take care of at home. Sunday is just the ideal day. Wake up at noon to a cup of koffee n CNN. Just a perfect way to start the day. Then all you have to worry about the rest of the day is how you plan on indulging yourself. How you plan to give yourself a manicure, start a new book, maybe do some writing, take in a nice hot bath, or anything your heart desires. I believe Sunday is the day of balance. In which we just unwind from the crazy week n try to balance ourselfs before tackling it all over agin. And ya know what? With my definition of Sunday in check I truly took advantage of the day.

I started the day off by waking up @ 11am. Brewed up a pot of Kenyan blend koffee. And sat myself down to watch "Meet the Press" on NBC. I love seeing Republicans trying to come up with answers to hard questions. Do they realize how stupid they sound when they reply? Anyway, I took care of some much needed laundry. I updated my website to have four outta ten sections up n running already. I watched my pathetic New York Jets lose in overtyme. I swear these last two days have not been good to my teams. Yesterday Georgia lost to Florida in football by 3. The Celtics lost by 6 to New Orleans. And today my beloved Jets n Bengals each lost by 3.

As far as the rest of the night. I should probably shave n exfoliate soon. Give myself that much needed manicure. I'll probably do some more writing n take in the late football game. Oh n "The Practice" is on at ten. N I have this new book I could start, "Somerset Homecoming: Recovering A Lost Hertiage". My parents bought it for me today. It's basically about a slave trying to trace her roots, well that's what he told me at least. So that's always an option. I could also go out to Xstatic tonight for the drag show n dancing. But I think that'll wait till next Sunday. So it's off for so well needed me tyme. Gotta brew up some koffee. One Love.

2003-11-01T18:07:00.000-05:00

So what did this day bring about for me? Well for starters it was 70 degrees! 70 degrees in Massachusetts on November 1st, oh praise the Lord. Besides the beautiful weather today was pretty uneventful. I slept in till 12:30pm, about two n a half hours later than expected. Now to semi-understand the dream I had last night I should explain what I watched before bed. I was lying in bed last night @ 3am trying to sleep until I noticed "Third Watch" reruns on A&E i believe. The first scene captivated me so much that I literally had to watch the whole show. No what basically happened was this female cop, cant remember her name i think it was Fay, n her daughter we in a bank to withdraw money for a shopping trip. What took place after that was two guys holding everyone hostage n casing the joint. There was a shoot out n then one of the guys found out she was a cop n her life became in jeopardy. The way the show ended was a fight occuring between the lone gun man, his partner in crime was shot n died, n this female that vowed to help him. So while they were arguing the female cop, Fay?, took a gun n shot him. Now my dream last night was very similar. I dreamt that this guy broke in our home n held my family captive. The cops surrounded our house but fear n tension only escalated. Just as the female cop, Fay?, took over the situation I also did. I shot the man that invaded n threatend my family. I'm not sure what to make of all this. One could view this as me wanting to protect my family. I intially thought because it was the last thing I viewed before bed that it just seeped into my dream. Anyway the only thing that was really interesting was the dream n show last night.

I am however watching the Georgia Bulldawgs football game versus Florida right now n am not to happy. Well considering my Dawgs are down 10-3 in the third quarter. However, I am hopefully optimistic for a win. Also, my Boston Celtics take on the New Orleans Hornets tonight. Looking forward to seeing Vin Baker coming up with anotha incredible game. Plus I'm hoping Paul Pierce can step it up to playing in the Superstar Status he is capable of.

I can not believe Whitney "Nippy" Houston is coming out with a Holiday CD. What I'm more shocked about is that it is due for release in three weeks n I just found out by checking her website. You think she would have more PR on this shyt. Come on Nippy you need to promote ya shyt n prove you're back. I can just picture the songs on there. "All I for Christmas is my new crack pipe." "O crack-filled night." Hey I can't hit on my gurl Nippy like that but damn come on. My little crack diva needs to git the promoting then.

I believe that is all for now folks. Until then...One Love.

2003-11-01T00:40:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to put some first words down in this here weblog. This will be my official personal weblog from now on. You can link over to my website also n give that a scope out. But until I grace these pages with an official "first entry" one love.